A Mini Lesson in Codependency and Boundaries

According to Mirriam-Webster.com the definition of codependency is a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin); broadly : dependence on the needs of or control by another

That is not what it means to me! Codependency can affect every facet of your life. From letting a person verbally abuse you, to wanting to please everyone and make everyone like you. Codependency and boundary issues go hand in hand for me. After years of therapy I have finally gotten it…I think.
This weekend I am at a family reunion and I heard an aunt say I just want everyone to like me, really? In theory is everyone going to like you and like the actions that you take NO!!

It is a lot like the karate kid “wax on wax off”. Codependency and boundaries are kin to: this is my yard and this is your yard and there will be no mowing of other people’s yard. Not everyone has to like me and I don’t have to do everything possible for that to happen. Conversely, I don’t HAVE to like or get along with everyone else. I also don’t have to let anyone verbally abuse me. I have (and so do you) the right to walk away and surround myself with people who are non toxic. If you are not adding to my world, then you don’t belong in it. You don’t have to be mean about setting your boundaries just reinforce how you want and should be treated. I often fall pray, and particularly in big crowds, to wanting to make sure everyone is having fun. That is also not my job. It is the job of the person to pick things that are fun to do. It really is about taking care of yourself and helping others when they ask. The big lesson, is listen to others advice and concerns but in the end do what is best for you!

There are a lot of books and resources out there for people who need a little nudge in the area of codependency. There are books and daily devotionals that will help along the way. No need to immerse yourself just read the ones that are of interest to you.